A Lesson in Frangrances

P and I have always had suspicions that our roommate, D, used men's cologne. In an effort to change her masculine scent, we purchased Victoria's Secret Love Spell eau de toilette for her on her birthday. She liked it so much that she used it out in a month's time, then returned to her manly ways sprays. We've asked her to please open the door or window when she sprays her "perfume," but I don't think she understands the concept of not suffocating the rest of the world with her stench. It's hard for P and me to pretend that she doesn't exist when her stench is everywhere.


Dear D,

I know you find it difficult to take daily showers, nearly impossible to brush your teeth daily, and refuse to do laundry once a quarter, but masking your various odors in cologne is not the solution. Here's a simple lesson in fragrances that even you and your jerk boyfriend would understand.



Above, cologne titled "M7," designed for men by YSL.
Below, perfume titled "Daisy," designed for women by Marc Jacobs.



Now, as a female, you do not buy cologne unless it is for a male friend. As a normal person without legitimate olfactory impairment, you do not cover yourself in said cologne until you reek of the odor. As a roommate, you do not leave the door and windows closed to incubate the offensive odor in the shared room. Instead, opt for a feminine scent that the rest of the world can agree with. Perhaps a few squirts will do the trick.

Love, M